| You might remember me from such causes as
"feed celine" and the Missing Cult Leaders relocation service. I am a very socially active person
and I think I was limiting myself with just those causes. There is so many more things I could be
doing to help mankind. There is something brewing deep deep in the underbelly of the internet, something so wicked that it causes the strongest person to become weak and frightened. Of course I am referring to Depressed Internet Teen Syndrome! You're probably asking yourself "But Princess Natalie how can I spot one?" There are thousands upon thousand of depressed internet teens (DITs) out there, they are easy to spot. they are:
Why only female? a certain additive in feminine hygiene products is absorbed internally and when combined with the subliminal messages the seed is planted. is this affliction exclusive to teens? yes, because studies show that the afflicted teen usually commits suicide before age 20...or marry their abusive boyfriend and then (DITs) morphs into spousal abuse syndrome. why americans? simple...after some investigation I discovered subliminal messages emitting from such popular american shows as Dawson Creek and Sabrina: the Teen-aged Witch trigger brain spasms in certain teens. The messages were meant to encourage consumer spending, yet there is a small minority of teen viewers whose brain chemistry is altered beyond repair. Those are the teens who develop (DITs). What's the correlation between DITs and bad poetry? teens afflicted with DITs have a hard time dealing with their emotions so one outlet is writing incredibly bad poetry that usually reads like a suicide note. DITs rob these teens of their sense of ambionic pentameter. The disease gives these teens a false impression that they are talented poets. How can we stop this dreaded affliction? sadly, at the present time there is no cure for (DITs). Taking away their internet privileges may help alleviate some symptoms but like an addiction to heroin the DITS sufferer will go to any lengths to get their fix....even if it means going to the public library! How can I help spread the word about DITS? You can show your support by displaying a DITs banner on your website. If we band together we can stomp out this disease before it spreads to third world countries like Ethiopia, Compton and Canada. Visit the DITS postergirl for September 1998 Visit the DITS postergirl for May 1999. Visit the DITS postergirl for March 1999 [thanks DeeJ] Visit the DITS postergirl for November 1998 Visit Kammie, a true humanitarian |
