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Larry King
*Talking Head*
*Serial Marry-er* |
Dear Princess, You are a laugh riot, I appreciate your rapier wit.
You take me back to the old days in Brooklyn when a hot dog was a quarter. I just married
the lovely Shawn Southwick last month but I should be divorcing before April, I
would love for you to be the next Mrs. Larry King. attached to the email is a pre-nuptial
agreement. Please reply with a birth certificate proving that you are young enough
to be my child. regards, Larry" |
Leonardo DiCaprio
*method Actor*
*Future Denny's Worker* |
"It's 4am and I am in my fashionable Beverely Hills home, Just thinking
how unfair life is man, I got it rough, I have to always memorize lines, you have the
life girl. And I am full of angst because I am a complicated actor who is a generation X-er.
Yea I am against animal testing but wear leather shoes. I hope I don't get a cow mad
or get mad cows. I need a drink but it will pollute my vision...thank god for drugs" |
Joey Lawrence
*mediocre singer*
*mediocre actor* |
I ran into your site when I was looking for the John-Paul Mitchell hair products
page. I think you are a kewl. write back I will send you a lock of my pubic hair. Hugs & kisses Joey" |
Pamela Anderson-Lee
*n/a* |
"Dear Natalie, I just want to say that I love your music! I think your way
better without 10,000 maniacs following you. Tommy said you should come by the house
so we can have a threesome. wow your a princess? did you marry a king? your fan Pam." |
Prince William
*future king*
*teen heart throb* |
"when your mate is naughty, do you perhaps give him a bare bottom spanking?
Do you use your hand? a Wooden brush? a switch? a firm leather belt? Do you admonish your
mate while you are administering the punishment? Please reply at your earliest convenience" |
Norman Fell
*character actor*
*Mr. Roper* |
"Dear Natalie, I was just wondering why I wasn't listed on your "Fan Club For Forgotten Stars" page?
I need all the exposure I can get as I head toward my golden years" |
Gary Collins
*actor and EmCee*
*Professional has-been* |
"Hey, uh I was wondering if maybe you could make a page for me, like a Gary Collins fan
page? I'd pay you but all my money is tied up in Mark Goodson/Bill Toddman stock. Yea
and I won't be able to get it for a while. In fact if you could send me a few bucks..." |
"Jodie"
of "Family Affair" fame
*Sigmund & the SeaMonster* |
I am sure if Buffy didn't die choking on a ham sandwich laced with barbiturates while doing a tour in Viet Nam
she would have loved your site....Mr. French masturbates while chanting your name. Sissy
hates you. Uncle Bill thought you were groovy." |
Lucy Lawless
*Actress*
Zena: lesbian warrior |
"Although I am not a lesbian, I find you undeniably attractive. Perhaps we can do some kick boxing together?" |
Ewan McGregor
*actor*
"Trainspotting" |
"Choose Natalie" |
Bill Clinton
*politician*
*fluke* |
"I thinks youse gots some nice stems..have I slept with you before? on a White House Tour? Arkansas? Democrat convention? The mens restroom? McDonalds? Hey, are we kin?" |
Marv Albert
*disgraced sportscaster*
*cross-dressing bi-sexual* |
"I love your page Princess Natalie, it is something I can really
sink my teeth into. Do you have a mail-order soiled panty service?" |
Mother Teresa
*nobel prize winner*
*corpse* |
"After reading your site I think I should be
looking out for number one...I need to quit this charity bullshit, it will
be the death of me."
*Dated August 31, 1997* |
 The Pope
*religious icon* |
"La pace sol cercando
io vo vorrei poter tutto scordar. Ma ogni sforzo `e vano... Davanti
ho sempre di lei il dolce
sembiante! La pace tolta 'e sempre a me..."
(translation: Gee Natalie, you sure are a bitch) |
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